How would you answer my favorite therapy question?
- drmariecdumas
- Sep 13
- 4 min read
I often ask clients the following question: "What do you want more of in your life right now, and what do you want less of?" The results of asking that question often lead back to one main theme. Read on to know more.
Ok, to be fair, I do get really interesting and varied responses, and sometimes we spend a good chunk of a session only addressing the first or second half of my question. However, typically, the discussion re-orients back to psychological and lifestyle changes that need to be made. Sometimes it's relational or purely emotional, but more often than not, the desired change is something internal, an unmet need.
Giving time to examine and then verbally express your innermost desires feels like a risk. Sometimes saying out loud what has been neglected and to listen to what your heart is telling you can be a little scary. The reason for the slight anxiety, and the reason we avoid admitting the needed change to ourselves, is because change pushes us out of our comfort zones. It also implies a lack. Homeostasis feels familiar, same routine = same result though, and that is a double edged sword.
Most people don't enter therapy to stay the same. So, talking about how we go from a place of desire (or absence/lack of something) to fulfillment is easier with a neutral third party. How exactly we get from A to Z takes planning. Clarifying and figuring how to get that need met is a process, and just asking the questions helps one motivate for the change desired. Motivational interviewing is a therapeutic approach that really helps drive actionable change.
When the needed change circles back around to a desire for increased fulfillment in life, usually that means upping the variety of social activities and hobbies. There's good research that backs up the psychological benefits of having a good bouquet of activities. Imagining that each activity represented a flower in your bouquet, you'd aim to visualize a varied bouquet. Activities that meet human needs often include a few creative hobbies, some active hobbies, and some social hobbies. Often those who are most fulfilled also include an altruistic component such as a volunteer job. No single hobby or person can fulfill all of our needs.
A quick read of this helpful article might get you inspired to start something new or develop a new passion. https://apnews.com/article/finding-a-hobby-screen-alternatives-ef4c9320e1ede4a0b3ce04f5f4b149dd
Peer‐reviewed studies and reviews that support the idea that varied leisure activities / hobbies are beneficial for mental and physical health, with key findings related to hobby development can be found here:
“Association of enjoyable leisure activities with psychological and physical well‑being” (Tone & others)
Sample: ~1,399 people aged 19‑89. (PubMed)
They used a measure of how many types of enjoyable leisure activities people take part in (Pittsburgh Enjoyable Activities Test). Higher scores (more types of activity) were associated with lower blood pressure, lower cortisol, smaller waist circumference, lower BMI, and better perceived physical functioning. (PubMed)
“Exploring the Impact of Hobbies on Mental Health and Well‑Being: A Scoping Review”
“Hobby engagement and mental wellbeing among people aged 65 years and older in 16 countries”
“The Impact of Leisure Activities on the Mental Health of Older Adults: The Mediating Effect of Social Support and Perceived Stress” (China)
Sample: 677 older adults in Shaanxi Province. (PubMed)
Found that leisure by itself didn’t always have a direct effect on better mental health, but it improved social support and reduced perceived stress, which in turn had positive effects on mental health. (Wiley Online Library)
“Frontiers | A better way of life: The role of leisure activities on self‑perceived health, perceived stress, confidence in stress management, and satisfaction with social support in psychiatrists and psychiatry trainees in Mexico”
Psychiatrists and trainees who engaged in leisure activities reported lower perceived stress, greater confidence in stress management, and more satisfaction with social support. (Frontiers)
“How leisure activities affect health: a narrative review and multi‑level theoretical framework of mechanisms of action” (The Lancet Psychiatry)
This is a big review mapping how leisure activities exert their effects: psychological, biological, social, and behavioural mechanisms. (The Lancet)
It emphasizes that leisure/hobbies are not just “nice to have” but have multiple pathways for prevention, management, and treatment of mental illness. (The Lancet)
“Multiple leisure activities, mental health and substance use among adolescents in Denmark”
Among 15‑16 year olds, those who engaged in multiple different types of leisure activities at least once a week had higher odds of high mental well‑being and lower odds of mental health problems and substance use. (Frontiers)
Summary of why varied, multiple types of leisure / hobbies seem especially helpful:
Variation matters: Doing multiple kinds of leisure activities tends to correlate with better outcomes (more wellbeing, less depression, less anxiety) than doing only one or none. (See studies 1, 7 above.)
Mechanisms include:
Social support / connectedness (you meet people, get emotional support) (PubMed)
Stress reduction, physiological regulation (lower cortisol, better BP) (PubMed)
Purpose, self‑efficacy, identity (feeling effective, competent, creative) (The Lancet)
Time structure / keeping routines, which helps with mental health especially in vulnerable groups (unemployed etc.) (PubMed)
